【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法【【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法】01、政府应该对铁路比公路花钱？ 这位同学整体架构比较完整，但是口语化比较严重，语法错误比较多，基础不够扎实，需多多练习 。最终得分4.5-5分，还有很大的进步空间 。
作文题目:大作文：剑11Test1大作文
Governments should spendmoney on railways rather than roads.To what extent do you agree or disagreewith this statement?
作文内容：
Traffic problem hasdisturbed government for a long term,as a lot of measure [b1] have been taken to solvethat, [b2] there are still someproblems remained,m[b3] any people say thatgovernment should spend more money on rail rather than road,but i can not[b4]totally agree with thisopinion.
Railway, comparing [b5] with road,has largercapacity to load[b6] goods or people,and itis also a good choice for long-distance travel.One of the advantages of railis that you will never meet a traffic light or jam on your way to the destiny[b7] .Government have invest [b8] a lot to make it more safe[b9]and convenient[b10] ,but sometimes it [b11] still makes trouble for people when it is at[b12]peak time;[b13] such as Spring Festival in China,there are even not enough ticketsfor those passengers who want to go home and [b14] they have to stay in the waiting room for a long time.So morebasic facilities or more trains are needed to serve such a large number ofpeople and increase the degree of comfort in passenger s [b15] journey.
On the contrast,road ,asanother way that frequently used,is more flexible than railway,b[b16] ut things changed when traffic condition is poor,ad [b17] people nowadays spend a lot of time on traffic jam due to theincreasing number of private cars,especially in those major cities.In orderto figure this problem,government should invest to build more roads like [b18] overhead-roads to release the traffic stress ,so that the air quality[b19]in cities will improve a lot ,too.[b20]
Overall,fund [b21] are needed in both of areas,but it is not wise to say that moremoney should be used in rail or road,it must according [b22] to the circumstance.
[b1]measures
[b2]but
[b3]注意断句，Many
[b4]写作中是cannot
[b5]compared
[b6]transfer
[b7]destination
[b8]has invested
[b9]safer
[b10]more convenient
[b11]指谁？
[b12]改成during
[b13]符号不对
[b14]又是连接谁？
[b15]passengers
[b16]另起一句 ， 大写
[b17]？
[b18]这是口语用词
[b19]和空气质量有关这个逻辑在哪里？
[b20]口语
[b21]funds
[b22]情态动词后用原形
各项细评：
针对问题最大的一点指出问题：
改这篇文章感觉像是改口语段子，因为口语化的说法很多，最大的问题是简单语法错误和复杂语法中句子的断句 。句子可以写长，但长句也遵循语法规则，需要连词或者合适的代词 。需要系统学习语法 。
临考前建议整理一下论点思路 ， 考场发挥尽量不要出大的语法错误就可以了 。
附批改原图：
END
【雅思作文批改】5分：过于口语化，注意语法的内容就分享到这里。
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